omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
