I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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