I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
