apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
