is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
