The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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