Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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