Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
