Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
