quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
