Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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