You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
