Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
