omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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