So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
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I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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