she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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