She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
