This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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