why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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