My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize