bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
