You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
