I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
