I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
