I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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