Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
