Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
