She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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