next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
