Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
