That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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