the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
