ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
