Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
