He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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