Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
