Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
