im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
