i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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