Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
