Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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