help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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