First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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