Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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