i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
