david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
