I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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