but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
