i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
