yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
