i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
