I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
