Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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