She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
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i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
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You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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