I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
