The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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