woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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