just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
