THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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