shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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